Friends: Part 2
Sorry if this appears jumbled together, but it is hard to write....
My best friend (and only really close friend since the late 1980's) and I have always been there for each other. He is as close as a brother to me, and always will be. I might have to post some of the funnier stories on here one of these days, but I'll wait for now. He graduated in 1994 and went to college, and I graduated in 1995 and joined the Navy. There were times when we couldn't always get ahold of each other, or make our schedules fit together on summer vacation, but we always managed to pick up our conversations right where we left off at.
One of the times I truly regret not being there for support was when I was on deployment, and he was going through a divorce. I was so upset that I couldn't call. Emails are nice, but sometimes words are better spoken than written. The second time this happened was in 2001, when he called and told me his mother had been diagnosed with cancer. I am no longer in the Navy, although I still work with them. I don't have to worry about being shipped out to some crazy shoreline to be shot at and worry my family anymore.
(Back to the present)
When this particular phone call came in, I was just floored. The phone call was about his mother, and how the doctors had only given her 5 or so days to live. Deep down I had always feared this phone call, knowing how aggressive her cancer had been. I bit my tongue to keep from breaking down, and listened. I told him I would fly up as soon as I could. He said I didn't have too. He knew I would, and I knew I would. We made some jokes, like we always do to keep each other on our toes, and said goodbye. He would call later with any updates.
Right after the call was over, I couldn't take it anymore and broke down. I know how close his family is to each other. They are like spokes in a wheel. No matter how many new spokes (grand kids, new in-laws... etc) are added to the wheel, when one is not there, it is sorely missed. All these memories came flooding back from High School, and I kept crying. I pulled myself together and let my wife know. We began looking for flight prices, just in case.
Tuesday night, the phone rang again... she had passed away that evening, and he would let me know the details of the arrangements the next day. He was on his way back home. He lives in St Louis, and our families live in Kansas City.
I finalized my flight plans and left on Thursday morning. The visitation was Thursday night. When I arrived, I pulled it together so I wouldn't add to the sadness. It was hard to see my friend and his family, whom I have also grown fond of and close to, going through this. His youngest sister is also one of my closer friends from high school/middle school.
We spent most of the evening reminiscing, and trying to laugh.
I remember hearing that Bill C0sby once said that if you can find humor in something, you can survive it. It seemed to be working well, and we kept it up. The service was the next morning, and was very beautiful.
The unity of my friend's family was shining brightly, even in this seemingly dark moment. The pastor reminded us all that we shouldn't mourn her loss, since someone can't be lost if you know where they are. We all know where she is, and how well she lived her life.
My friend got up to read a letter that he had written in 2001 when his mother was first diagnosed. He read it very well considering how hard it was. I don't have the words to describe how moving this was, it is just incomprehensible, unless you have been in a situation like that.
I was so glad that I was there in person, to comfort him and his family. I don't think I could have forgiven myself if I hadn't gone (like that was a possibility while I was still breathing). It's times like these, that you really know how much you care for your family, even family that isn't blood family. I am deeply honored to know this family and be a small part of it.
My best friend (and only really close friend since the late 1980's) and I have always been there for each other. He is as close as a brother to me, and always will be. I might have to post some of the funnier stories on here one of these days, but I'll wait for now. He graduated in 1994 and went to college, and I graduated in 1995 and joined the Navy. There were times when we couldn't always get ahold of each other, or make our schedules fit together on summer vacation, but we always managed to pick up our conversations right where we left off at.
One of the times I truly regret not being there for support was when I was on deployment, and he was going through a divorce. I was so upset that I couldn't call. Emails are nice, but sometimes words are better spoken than written. The second time this happened was in 2001, when he called and told me his mother had been diagnosed with cancer. I am no longer in the Navy, although I still work with them. I don't have to worry about being shipped out to some crazy shoreline to be shot at and worry my family anymore.
(Back to the present)
When this particular phone call came in, I was just floored. The phone call was about his mother, and how the doctors had only given her 5 or so days to live. Deep down I had always feared this phone call, knowing how aggressive her cancer had been. I bit my tongue to keep from breaking down, and listened. I told him I would fly up as soon as I could. He said I didn't have too. He knew I would, and I knew I would. We made some jokes, like we always do to keep each other on our toes, and said goodbye. He would call later with any updates.
Right after the call was over, I couldn't take it anymore and broke down. I know how close his family is to each other. They are like spokes in a wheel. No matter how many new spokes (grand kids, new in-laws... etc) are added to the wheel, when one is not there, it is sorely missed. All these memories came flooding back from High School, and I kept crying. I pulled myself together and let my wife know. We began looking for flight prices, just in case.
Tuesday night, the phone rang again... she had passed away that evening, and he would let me know the details of the arrangements the next day. He was on his way back home. He lives in St Louis, and our families live in Kansas City.
I finalized my flight plans and left on Thursday morning. The visitation was Thursday night. When I arrived, I pulled it together so I wouldn't add to the sadness. It was hard to see my friend and his family, whom I have also grown fond of and close to, going through this. His youngest sister is also one of my closer friends from high school/middle school.
We spent most of the evening reminiscing, and trying to laugh.
I remember hearing that Bill C0sby once said that if you can find humor in something, you can survive it. It seemed to be working well, and we kept it up. The service was the next morning, and was very beautiful.
The unity of my friend's family was shining brightly, even in this seemingly dark moment. The pastor reminded us all that we shouldn't mourn her loss, since someone can't be lost if you know where they are. We all know where she is, and how well she lived her life.
My friend got up to read a letter that he had written in 2001 when his mother was first diagnosed. He read it very well considering how hard it was. I don't have the words to describe how moving this was, it is just incomprehensible, unless you have been in a situation like that.
I was so glad that I was there in person, to comfort him and his family. I don't think I could have forgiven myself if I hadn't gone (like that was a possibility while I was still breathing). It's times like these, that you really know how much you care for your family, even family that isn't blood family. I am deeply honored to know this family and be a small part of it.
posted by nEo at 2:44 PM
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